the plan

          The plan was to- well there was no plan.  The plan was to fly to a faraway continent and have an adventure.   But a relentless exhaustion paired with a mild fever and a midsummer cold made the prospect of adventure incredibly unappealing, and as my heavy head and sick spirit contested, I was Burnt Out. So burnt out in fact, that with some show of drama, I stepped off the airplane right before it was to fly away, grabbed my suitcase, and took myself home to bed, unsure if I was a coward/weakling or a person of great will, but relieved to be sleeping in the northern hemisphere, in quiet old Greenpoint with my cat under my arm.  I had just finished three weeks of travel and work/travel and work, and was, as they say, done.

            In the morning, I made a list of all the things I would do on my new vacation in Brooklyn, and then proceeded to ignore the list.  Instead, I spent a week napping and reading on couches, beds, parks and park benches.  It was the kind of laziness that used to accompany school breaks, when I would melt into the couch watching movies.  “What did you do today?” my mother asked.  “Nothing,” the reply.

            I can’t remember ever being this sleepy.  And to think, I had plans to write a song, practice multiple instruments, visit museums.  A list fit for a Capricorn.  But instead,  I was simply content to sigh, to close my eyes, to disappear into a novel so that the book-world seemed more real than the real-world. Watching fractions of movies, feeling the shiver of wind in the leaves of the trees, taking the ferry on a whim – just to sit in a new patch of shade by the water and watch babies toddle around.  Disinterested in company, finding spots away from the crowd, no desire to see friends.  Sleeping and sleeping.  Folding into stillness.  

            The real world looms just outside of tomorrow.  Grown up life with businesses to run, goals to achieve, scripts to write and people to convince that I’m not afraid of anything.  But in the meantime, I have one day left to contemplate the play of light on water, and I will do it with delight.