the guez

I recently got a gig cutting web videos for Hearst Magazines. It's not a terrible gig. Though arriving in that airy lobby every morning as those editors and models for Cosmo and Seventeen strut through the turnstiles in their heels and pose on the dual escalators past the waterfall, has done something to my self-esteem. Which is sort of why I never read those magazines in the first place. But now it can't be helped, and I've been forced to confront my own schlubbiness. The nice thing about working in film is the jeans/t-shirt uniform which I bring to new levels by also not doing my face or hair until I get to work, after which I run to the bathroom and half-heartedly throw some clips in one and powder on the other. Besides, I live in Williamsburg/Greenpoint which makes Disheveled into an art. But Hearst is Manhattan - the kind of Manhattan where Sarah Jessica Parker bought her shoes and gossiped and ate brunch on HBO. Hearst creates that Manhattan. And a short while I afte

is an asphalt factory in Queens. Which is where brian, our flat tire, our broken jack, and I spent the afternoon. When the triple A guy finally arrived to lend us his jack, we were half delirious from the fumes and the inside of our noses burned in an unnatural way. How do you like them apples?

Sure, there are days when the fear really gets to you. There are days when you wonder why you made this choice, when you have no idea how to accomplish anything or even what the next step is. The path is all full of brambles and your paycheck is late. And of course the fear is nothing compared to the times when you wake up in an empty apartment and the only plan you have is to work in your bedroom alone all day and then go to sleep in the same room in order to do it again tomorrow. All for a movie that's full of flaws and empty of promise and not necessarily worth it. Then there are the days when you go to Joe's house to borrow some lights and he lends you his camera too so that one huge problem is solved, and you find it's easier to breathe. And then you put your glasses on to discover the brown lump on the couch is kenan feeling sorry for himself on a gig that fell through, and would you like some tea? So you drink the tea and tell them how you couldn't help but feel