namaste

I tried to clear it, I really did. But it was a white elephant. So while I was listening to my breathing, I was thinking about gingerbread boyfriends and how she's dating her cookie. During the sun salutations I was cursing my weak arms and wondering if I had any more clean underwear or enough change for the drier. I tried to breath through my heart, to focus on one point, to bend a little more and think a little less. Instead, I wondered why it made me feel vulnerable to lift my sternum. I thought about Wilco concerts and shooting dv at the basketball court and how it was more difficult to lunge this week and how some of these poses look more like positions, and maybe I should have taken dance today instead? Finally, finally, during meditation, through some force of will, I found it. The blackness lasted 3/4 of a second. Then I was fast asleep and dreaming about chickens. Chickens! sheesh.

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